I came across this article in The Straits Times, published on 13th Sep where it says that the brain is a human's largest sex organ. It caught my attention after I saw the phrase, "When people say love is blind, they aren't kidding".
People often go on and on about their ideal life partner would be like, or come up with a long list of criteria their partner has to meet up with. Physical appearance is the first thing one would notice in a person and that strongly affects the first impression he or she forms. It is true that physical appearance is important in a relationship but only to a certain extent for its impact decreases over time. It is also possible to fall for someone who is in close proximity with us because it allows more contact and communication with that person. Some people look for rewards in a relationships, whether or not their spouse is able to give them a good life. It could be a big no-no if the effort and time they put into the relationship is not reciprocated.
Contrary to what I have mentioned about what people may look for in their partner, very often people end up with someone who is far from their expectations or the so-called ideal other half. Even if a person managed to find someone who fulfills the whole list of requirements, he or she does not necessary fall in love with that particular person. This article just proves my claim right because one cannot really decide for themselves who to fall in love with. From the article, the frontal cortex is deactivated when a person falls in love with someone, thus, impairing character judgement, etc.
There is no such thing as "why?" in love. No one can really explain in words why they are in love with someone. So have you experienced love for a person whom you consider to be "sub-standard"? Or else, are you sure you will be happy with the person you consider to be your ideal half? Remember to search your mind if your answer is 'no'!
17 comments:
It is really interesting to know that love impairs your ability to judge character. This very much proves the adage "No one is perfect, until you fall in love with them." But does this happen only in face to face interaction? Or does it also happen in other forms of interpersonal interaction?
We have all the answers inside of us, but sometimes it's just that society teaches us to think too much.
love, just like most aspects of life, is very simple and straight forward. boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy wants girl to be happy and that is the only focus.
unfortunately, society has taught us the 5Cs. some of us even set expectations beyond material ones. we loose focus of what is important in a relationship, and instead learn to become selfish. the focus changes from wanting the other person happy to own contentment.
narcissism is rampant.
simple as love may sound, there are too many implications involved with it today. like you mentioned, people choose to fall in love for different reasons, and the simplest reason (which should be the case) is that both parties love each other and want to be in the company of each other while being happy.
however, society has forced us and those around us to judge our partners, and even potential ones. be they their looks, financial background or otherwise, love is no longer what it symbolises a long time ago.
i couldnt help but to agree with what you guys said about how society has changed our perception about love. it most likely occurs in advanced and developed societies where people sought easy and luxurious lives. that is why more and more people are marrying foreign brides, etc.
well, love may occur in the cyber world as well. i am speaking through my own experience, that is. i am sure many people knows that i met my ex bf online even though our relationship did not work out. in fact, there are couples who met online and are happy togather ever since. i do not rule out the possibility that love may spark between 2 people who have not met face to face before.
I actually did a research paper on love some time ago..and the results mainly point to love not being as pure as we would like to idealise it to be. I don't think as human beings we are capable of loving fully and selflessly.. there will always be an aspect that expects something in return. The 'reward' part of the brain actually lights up when people look at pictures of the person they're in love with..
I agree with you however when you say that love is sometimes mysteriously baseless. There are people that i've met that have all the good qualities I would like in a life partner, yet have no feelings for. And I've met others that I know I would eventually end up clashing with, yet find myself unable to resist falling in love..
hmm
To those people who judge others by their appearance, you will never find a girl/boy in your life, even though if you really do, it will never last long.
Falling in love is actually part of life =).
And to those out there who do not have a chance to meet your Mr Right or Mrs Right, the time is just not yet arrived but when it do, give it your very best =)
Anyway this is my first time i post a reply on blog
people have tried to quantify love and tried fitting it into the class of science. they've found that love is actually a biochemical reaction, triggering the release of hormones that, as mentioned in your article, impairs judgment; as well as a series of other biological reactions that makes us behave the way we would when we're "in love".
this saying, on a personal level, makes me feel that we're mere walking biochemical masses. i choose to believe that love is an energy. it can diminish in a matter of days or even hours; or it can last till "death do us part". so, the next time we fall outta love, do not grief, for most love is transient.
I think you're very right in that no matter how hard we try, we just cannot really choose who we fall in love with. Once we do though, the other half's imperfections seem not to matter anymore. Love is such a beautiful thing that we must not let become warped by societal expectations. Many people today are getting together for reasons other than love, and it's really depressing to see. Sure, financial security and all are important, but if you don't really love your partner, will you ever be really happy?
Also, society has implanted all these ideas in our heads about love needs to be like. The media, especially Hollywood, plays a vital role in this. The truth is, our interpersonal relations with others are how you and the other decide it to be and there are no rights and wrongs in how a relationship should be.
Love is just a series of complex chemical reactions, scientists would say. No big deal, just another process occurring in your brain. But hey, it really is a wondrous thing that helps you fulfill the deepest human longing - the desire for human connection.
Personally, I believe you should still be able to judge a person even though you may be in love with them. It might take more effort, but it is possible. Hence perhaps the frontal cortex is not entirely deactivated during this process, or there are other factors that help us to maintain clarity of mind.
Some things to me, like love, remain inexplicable. I believe not every detail of our feelings can be totally explained by science because not everything inside us - like our spirit - is physical in nature. Some things are left in the hands of a higher power.
hmm, indeed. i see many people who gets attached for other reasons than love. some get into relationships out of despair or loneliness.
whatever the reason is, there is no formula for love as it is not something as simple as science! people should respect the power of love and not misuse it to fulfill our material needs.
<3 FOOBEE!!!!!!!!! i am being blinded by foobee
Love covers a very wide field in our life. But if it's 'love' in the boy-girl relationship, I'd think it's first & foremost a physical attraction that will or will not lead to the real thing.
We should make friends with a open mindset - no judgement of characters. Because TIME will eventually put everything in place like a jigsaw puzzle. Things just happen before one realises it when one gets to know the other well. That's the reason there is no 'why' in love.
And of course do forget the old folks' tale that it's all fate that brings two people together.
-agnes
Oh wow . Now we know that love is indeed blind =D
I guess love happens when u get attracted to a particular someone . It can be because you are very similar to that person , therefore makes you think you can communicate with him/her and equates it to love as you want someone to share your view with . Also , it could be because he/she is very different from the people you see everyday , therefore making him/her unique and makes you want to find out more about him/her . There can be so many different other reasons for love to happen as different people are attracted to other people because of so many reasons .
Humans are very complex in nature in my opinion . We just love doing weird things =D
Falling in love when defined is actually something very simple and straight forward like what Zed ngoh has mentioned.
However, when we are still singles we tend to set a list of criteria/ expectations of what we would want our ideal partner to be like or to have.
I would have to say that these are actually what we fantasize. From young, we are exposed to fairytales such as Cinderella and Snow white where the princesses would be singing and thinking of a man whom do not exist at all initially. How nice that whatever they wished for actually come true and they instantaneously for the princes at first sight. How often do we come across fairytales like Beauty and the beast where a beauty would actually fall for.. a beast?
In reality, we live the story of beauty and the beast. Usually, whatever we wished for would not come true. People whom we thought would not meet our expectations, eventually attract us due to differences/uniqueness etc. And gradually we learn to accept them for who they are.
i agree that people often end up with those that're unlike their "types", but why that is so, i'm not sure! i think love is a combination of many factors, and the mind plays a huge part in it. as we've learned, proximity and similarity can help in liking of a person! so maybe it's all about chances?
Yes i guess, love is something that's got to do with fate and destiny. We, as humans do not have the power over who we will end up with. As sonzeh said, it is about chances.
Hmm, as for Beauty and the Beast, never did i think that the story applies in reality. Then again, it links back to what i said in my entry that we often fall in love with someone very far from what we have ever expected!
"love is blind?" i do agree that you don't need a reason to love someone..because when you love someone, most of us would love their flaws too.. However,to fall in love with someone, doesn't that mean you are attracted to him/her in a particular way? It could be the physical appearance,character,attitude towards life or similar interests that you two share.
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