"Part of the joy of being in a close relationship is the knowledge that we are free to break everyday rules."
Sarah Trenholm,
Thinking through Communication, 2008
Thinking through Communication, 2008
There was a great four pages of the risk of teen sex being published in The Straits Times of September 18. The article was mainly highlighting that more and more teens are having sexual relationships but not many know the dangers of not using protection and sexually transmitted diseases or infections (STDs/STIs). Shocking statistics show that there were 820 cases of STIs, 833 pregnancies and 1,363 abortions among teenagers reported in Singapore.
Contrary to traditional societies, people or youngsters especially are engaging in pre-marital sex, many of which their parents are unaware of it. They learned about sex from almost anywhere -- their peers, the internet, school, but sadly, mainly the INTERNET. Unfortunately, sex has become the basis of some boy-girl relationships and not only between married couples. Or worse still, two people of the opposite (or even same) sex can simply get involved with each other sexually even if they are not attached to each other. The point that I wish to bring up is that sexual intercourse or physical intimacy is a form of nonverbal communication, known as haptics. It is also greatly related to the contemporary interpersonal relationships and this may occur in different stages of the Knapp's Model of Relational Development.
Consider this phenomenon, based on my own imagination (please note that IT IS NOT MY PERSONAL STORY!!!):
Coming together
Stage 1: Initiating -- Girl meets boy in school and thought she has found the guy of her dreams.
Stage 2: Experimenting -- They meet up outside the classrooms occasionally for some casual conversations.
Stage 3: Intensifying -- They began spending more time with each other, during recess, study time, they even joined the same CCA.
Stage 4: Integrating -- Boy proposes to girl for them to officially become an item.
Stage 5: Bonding -- Girl goes over to boy's home and was asked to have sex. Girl gives in, not wanting to turn him down.
Coming apart
Stage 6: Differentiating -- Girl is tired of always having to fulfill boy's desires.
Stage 7: Circumscribing -- Boy ignores her and continues their usual "routines" at his house.
Stage 8: Stagnation -- They meet up less than before but refuses to break up in fear of the pain.
Stage 9: Avoiding -- They try to avoid not seeing each other in school.
Stage 10: Terminating -- Boy dumps girl and moves on to his next target (Or the other way around).
According to Knapp, the stages may not be linear and may regress to a previous stage or skip a stage. Whatever the stages are, teens or even adults who are sexually active should know the consequences and dangers of unprotected sex. Unwanted pregnancies and STDs greatly jeopardizes a relationship so young people should act wisely and not impulsively or emotionally. Also, it is important to know that sex is not everything or a necessity in a healthy and stable relationship. Do not give into peer pressure to lose something so precious if you feel you are not ready. Lastly after terminating a relationship, move on, do not linger over the past, and have fun in looking for the RIGHT person!
Contrary to traditional societies, people or youngsters especially are engaging in pre-marital sex, many of which their parents are unaware of it. They learned about sex from almost anywhere -- their peers, the internet, school, but sadly, mainly the INTERNET. Unfortunately, sex has become the basis of some boy-girl relationships and not only between married couples. Or worse still, two people of the opposite (or even same) sex can simply get involved with each other sexually even if they are not attached to each other. The point that I wish to bring up is that sexual intercourse or physical intimacy is a form of nonverbal communication, known as haptics. It is also greatly related to the contemporary interpersonal relationships and this may occur in different stages of the Knapp's Model of Relational Development.
Consider this phenomenon, based on my own imagination (please note that IT IS NOT MY PERSONAL STORY!!!):
Coming together
Stage 1: Initiating -- Girl meets boy in school and thought she has found the guy of her dreams.
Stage 2: Experimenting -- They meet up outside the classrooms occasionally for some casual conversations.
Stage 3: Intensifying -- They began spending more time with each other, during recess, study time, they even joined the same CCA.
Stage 4: Integrating -- Boy proposes to girl for them to officially become an item.
Stage 5: Bonding -- Girl goes over to boy's home and was asked to have sex. Girl gives in, not wanting to turn him down.
Coming apart
Stage 6: Differentiating -- Girl is tired of always having to fulfill boy's desires.
Stage 7: Circumscribing -- Boy ignores her and continues their usual "routines" at his house.
Stage 8: Stagnation -- They meet up less than before but refuses to break up in fear of the pain.
Stage 9: Avoiding -- They try to avoid not seeing each other in school.
Stage 10: Terminating -- Boy dumps girl and moves on to his next target (Or the other way around).
According to Knapp, the stages may not be linear and may regress to a previous stage or skip a stage. Whatever the stages are, teens or even adults who are sexually active should know the consequences and dangers of unprotected sex. Unwanted pregnancies and STDs greatly jeopardizes a relationship so young people should act wisely and not impulsively or emotionally. Also, it is important to know that sex is not everything or a necessity in a healthy and stable relationship. Do not give into peer pressure to lose something so precious if you feel you are not ready. Lastly after terminating a relationship, move on, do not linger over the past, and have fun in looking for the RIGHT person!
17 comments:
the human's greatest weakness is the need for constant affection.
how often have we seen seemingly happy and carefree couples and had the pangs to want to be in their situation as well? and when the first signs of 'love' appear, we are quick to jump on the band wagon, holding on to it tightly as if nothing else in the world mattered?
you can become bankrupt, yet make it all back. you can fall, but your skin will heal. but once you choose to give up your chastity in a moment of folly, you can never get it back.
Perhaps the media is to be blamed? Look at what teenagers are exposed to on television? We get so many shows that come from many place, notably America. Since the US is a very open minded place where they advocate freedom, it is very easy to understand that they view sex liberally. This can be seen in their shows very often. Since teenager exposed to such ideas, they will be influence by it. But Singapore culture is still not very liberal about sex and so teenager can only satisfy their curiosity by learning it from other means, the Internet. Maybe the Singapore government can do more to educate the public on such matters. People of the older generation are always shy on talking about such matters, lest teaching it. Instead of blaming it on teenagers, we should look for reasons why it happens and what we can do to reduce or prevent it.
yes, of course the media has a part in shaping our society today. sadly, teenagers have not become addicted to pornography and sex, they have the mentality that sex is the only thing which matters in a relationship. like what i have illustrated through the make-up story, the boy is with the girl just for physical satisfaction.
youngsters should be more educated in this aspect and not only in maths, science, english, etc. i once came across this article which used the term "fubu", which is short for f**k buddies. i was even more disgusted when it said people who are indulging in such relations are highly educated scholars with high degrees of some sort. this world is really coming to an end, do not be surprised if a gargantuan meteor hits earth and everything shall begin with 0 again.
Hmmm... Sad to think this type of 'love' relationship is so rampant especially among the young today.
I still believe in keeping one's chastity for one's life partner ie in marriage & not in courtship in order to steer clear of uninvited trouble.
Just a few day ago I heard on Gold 90.5 about a girl who allowed her boyfriend to shoot their sex sessions. and what happened after their breakup? The boy revenged by posting them on the internet.
You'll never know it was the devil you were dating until it was put to the test.
Therefore advice to all gals reading this - put on your thinking cap before you jump onto the sex wagon because we will always be on the loosing end.
-agnes
Love can exist without sex. When you love someone so much that you will never do anything to harm her, not even about sex which will of course results in STD and unwanted pregnancies
oh my goodness, i do not understand why someone would allow their most intimate moments to be on camera. serve the girl right when her ex-boyfriend decided to post their video online, even though he himself is very much of a jerk.
all i can say is people should at least have a guideline to how they should live, say a religion or something, since school nowadays do not really stress on sex ed. after which maybe they will start thinking about their own actions and not do the stupidest things.
Teen Sex =/= Love
But it differs from one to another. Some even misinterprets "love" in the first place and then realised it soon after they have had their intimate moments.
Yet now, this era, I thought no teenagers would care about "love" anymore? In Malaysia, you can easily see those immature secondary pupils (even primary pupils now) declaring that they have their so-called "ideal half" which they then broke up after not even 1 week.
Those were the cases where they do NOT have love at all yet claiming they have it (at least before they break up).
Yes, sex education should help but for some, they just don't get it, be it male or female, even if they were given a 3-years course majoring in sex.
It's all up to the family and school education now (come on, whatever society campaign DOES NOT work) to revert everything just like the traditional days, or we shall just sit and see as the snowball rolls to no end. Besides, it has already started rolling long ago.
Well , its all about the "forbidden fruit" . The more we could not get our hands on something , the more we want it . Its like our .. instinct .
Yea , its sad that a lot of teenagers engaging in premarital sex and misinterpret it as love . But perhaps our culture is part to be blamed as well , other than media and the internet ? We can see that in the current society , sex is still not a much talked about topic in typical families in Singapore . If we expose the young to the idea of sex and teach them the proper ideas we should have about sex , perhaps they would not have the misconception about sex .
Yea , so instead of getting shocked over what teenagers are doing today , why not change our point of view and see what WE can do to stop this .
it has all got to do with those moments of folly one falls into from time to time. and when you are blinded by love, matters can only get worse. education is no doubt important, but it all boils down to how important one judges the act of pre-marital sex to be. and girls will need to learn to how to say no.
hmm, i guess the only way to salvage the curren situation is to educate youngsters on contraceptive methods. gone were the days when we were taught to abstain from sex until our consummation night. in fact, i have a friend who is sexually active and i gave her a dressing-down when she told me her boyfriend does not wear a condom "sometimes".
i definitely do not think that pre-marital sex is something disgraceful or a shameless thing to do, people just need to have adequate knowledge about the pros and cons of it. of course, contraception do not guarantee 100% protection so please be prepared to face the consequences of your actions.
desire of the flesh is strong. coupled with lesser censorship and more exposure to teen sex, teens living in our society are easily 'converted' or 'fall into temptation'.
tomoe manda, are you one of those 'converted'?
Gosh Wow mandy your Blog topics so mature la.. Yea i dont think anyone of us here is so "Sacred".
Meh, chastity is something to lose. Just like promise which is meant to be broken. My Teacher who is 70+ dont really know the exact age, she say its her secret.W/e.
She said she is proud to be an old virgin. And she worth alot because she still keep her chastity. Like omg la..
I think she will still be a virgin until the day she die.(No Offence if you are the sort of person who get agitated easily because you know you sucks please dont read).
My advice is free yourself from this torment i know you guys wana have sex >:) unless your really pretty or handsome then i "bo wei gong"
Yours Sincerely
DoucheBag
Mr Leong
i think that girls should learn to protect themselves. this way they dun get hurt unnecessarily. im happy to say that singapore is fairly clean and the sex rate is low. too low that the govt has to encourage more babies!
err...how did the topic shifted from unprotected teen sex to chastity? because teen sex has little (i won't say none) to do with virginity.
what is lost is lost. we should try to salvage the ignorant youngsters from commiting grave mistakes and not discuss the issue of one losing his or her chastity, people!
Reading the ten stages was amusing. You have managed to form a coherent and realistic storyline that I could imagine happening to the average conflicted teenage girl.
In my opinion, people who aren't mature emotionally should not take part in sex, for every time you do it you risk creating a child that you'd have to take care of. Sex should not be taken so lightly, or sexual acts for that matter. Purity of love should be maintained in relationships. The mixing of love and lust is the quickest way to deceieve yourself that you truly love a person when perhaps you are only infatuated with the endorphin rush they bring you through physical intimacy.
Humans have the innate ability and need to procreate. Unfamiliar with an unexplored area of their life, teens will naturally be tempted to engage in such activities. People just need to be more aware of the dangers/risks through education.
But, what does it mean by teen sex? Meaning they feel that no sex = no love?
1, If Teen love = sex, it's definately wrong, coz there are much TEEN who r in LOVE yet never have SEX.
2, If Teen sex = love, means it only shows those TEEN who have SEX before treat it as the standard of LOVE. For those good teen, this is not applicable (Never had sex).
3, but, the BOY is the one who ask for SEX. It means GIRL agree on it because of LOVE.
If that is the case, unmatured boys tend to agree on "teen sex=love". AND, girls tend to do anything for love.
HENCE, this theory shows unmatured boy is the main thing for all these to happen.. :P
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