Teen Sex = Love?!

"Part of the joy of being in a close relationship is the knowledge that we are free to break everyday rules."

Sarah Trenholm,
Thinking through Communication, 2008

There was a great four pages of the risk of teen sex being published in The Straits Times of September 18. The article was mainly highlighting that more and more teens are having sexual relationships but not many know the dangers of not using protection and sexually transmitted diseases or infections (STDs/STIs). Shocking statistics show that there were 820 cases of STIs, 833 pregnancies and 1,363 abortions among teenagers reported in Singapore.

Contrary to traditional societies, people or youngsters especially are engaging in pre-marital sex, many of which their parents are unaware of it. They learned about sex from almost anywhere -- their peers, the internet, school, but sadly, mainly the INTERNET. Unfortunately, sex has become the basis of some boy-girl relationships and not only between married couples. Or worse still, two people of the opposite (or even same) sex can simply get involved with each other sexually even if they are not attached to each other. The point that I wish to bring up is that sexual intercourse or physical intimacy is a form of nonverbal communication, known as haptics. It is also greatly related to the contemporary interpersonal relationships and this may occur in different stages of the Knapp's Model of Relational Development.

Consider this phenomenon, based on my own imagination (please note that IT IS NOT MY PERSONAL STORY!!!):
Coming together
Stage 1: Initiating -- Girl meets boy in school and thought she has found the guy of her dreams.
Stage 2: Experimenting -- They meet up outside the classrooms occasionally for some casual conversations.
Stage 3: Intensifying -- They began spending more time with each other, during recess, study time, they even joined the same CCA.
Stage 4: Integrating -- Boy proposes to girl for them to officially become an item.
Stage 5: Bonding -- Girl goes over to boy's home and was asked to have sex. Girl gives in, not wanting to turn him down.
Coming apart
Stage 6: Differentiating -- Girl is tired of always having to fulfill boy's desires.
Stage 7: Circumscribing -- Boy ignores her and continues their usual "routines" at his house.
Stage 8: Stagnation -- They meet up less than before but refuses to break up in fear of the pain.
Stage 9: Avoiding -- They try to avoid not seeing each other in school.
Stage 10: Terminating -- Boy dumps girl and moves on to his next target (Or the other way around).

According to Knapp, the stages may not be linear and may regress to a previous stage or skip a stage. Whatever the stages are, teens or even adults who are sexually active should know the consequences and dangers of unprotected sex. Unwanted pregnancies and STDs greatly jeopardizes a relationship so young people should act wisely and not impulsively or emotionally. Also, it is important to know that sex is not everything or a necessity in a healthy and stable relationship. Do not give into peer pressure to lose something so precious if you feel you are not ready. Lastly after terminating a relationship, move on, do not linger over the past, and have fun in looking for the RIGHT person!

Love is Actually All in the Mind...

I came across this article in The Straits Times, published on 13th Sep where it says that the brain is a human's largest sex organ. It caught my attention after I saw the phrase, "When people say love is blind, they aren't kidding".

People often go on and on about their ideal life partner would be like, or come up with a long list of criteria their partner has to meet up with. Physical appearance is the first thing one would notice in a person and that strongly affects the first impression he or she forms. It is true that physical appearance is important in a relationship but only to a certain extent for its impact decreases over time. It is also possible to fall for someone who is in close proximity with us because it allows more contact and communication with that person. Some people look for rewards in a relationships, whether or not their spouse is able to give them a good life. It could be a big no-no if the effort and time they put into the relationship is not reciprocated.

Contrary to what I have mentioned about what people may look for in their partner, very often people end up with someone who is far from their expectations or the so-called ideal other half. Even if a person managed to find someone who fulfills the whole list of requirements, he or she does not necessary fall in love with that particular person. This article just proves my claim right because one cannot really decide for themselves who to fall in love with. From the article, the frontal cortex is deactivated when a person falls in love with someone, thus, impairing character judgement, etc.

There is no such thing as "why?" in love. No one can really explain in words why they are in love with someone. So have you experienced love for a person whom you consider to be "sub-standard"? Or else, are you sure you will be happy with the person you consider to be your ideal half? Remember to search your mind if your answer is 'no'!

Verbal and Non-verbal Communication Alongside

"Perception is the process of selecting, organising and interpreting information in order to give personal meaning to the communication we receive."

Seiler & Beall,

Communication Making Connection, 1999:31

In the world we live in, one of the best examples which fit the above statement perfectly is the use of printed-advertisements. As I passed by the MRT station on my way home, I saw these ads along the pathways.

These print-ads (as attached) which serve educational purposes easily catch the attention of the people walking pass by applying a few of the organisational principles. One of them is figure and ground, in which the figure refers to the comic-based drawings and ground would be the station. The vast contrast between the real world and cartoon increases the chances of passers-by selecting this particular stimuli.

This is a rather brilliant way to convey a message because as we know, most people walk in and out of stations quickly. By using large-sized graphics instead of lengthy words, it would take only a mere few seconds to fully understand what these ads are trying to tell us.


Another organisational principle used is closure. Just like most comics, it is impossible to sketch out every movement of the characters. This allows people to use their tendency to fill in the gaps by using their own imagination so as to make sense of it. Since the ads use clear-cut illustrations, one could easily conclude that they are about safety precautions people should practice at the boarding platforms without misinterpretation or encounter language-based barriers.



These ads, just like most print-ads, involve the usage of verbal and non-verbal communication alongside with each other, as parts of a whole. We often hear the saying, "A picture speaks a thousand words.", moreover, there is more than one picture in each poster. In this case, non-verbal communication beats verbal communication hands down! People are able to get the message even without reading the description of the pictures, not mentioning young children or foreigners who can't read at all. This is a good way to show how important non-verbal cues can be in our lives as it makes up 60 to 70% of our daily communication.


Here are a few other examples of print-ads which I found on newspaper, The Straits Times, 9 Sep:









As you can see, words (verbal communication) is unnecessary for such ads for the graphics (non-verbal communication) are sufficient to bring out the whole meaning of it. Sadly saying, non-verbal communication is neglected most of the times or miscommunication occurs frequently with the use of it. People should be more aware of the different ways of communicating and not just favour the use of words and speech.

Celebrities and the Principles of Communication

I am sure that everyone is aware of the two concerts that will take place in Singapore on 6th and 13th Sep separately. The celebrities which I have mentioned are as such in the images, Avril Lavigne, the canadian rock sensation, and MISIA, the japanese songbird.

There are a few reasons to why I chose to link celebrities with what we have learnt so far in COM 101. I realized celebrities make use of the few kinds of existing communication models, such as the linear model. As we know, linear models include a one-way communication route from the sender to the receiver. Celebrities and artistes use this model through the music they produce. The lyrics written in their songs will be the message they wish to convey to their fans or as an alternative to express their feelings and opinions. When people listen to their songs, the responsibility of decoding the message (lyrics) lies on them, the receiver. Besides lyrics, promotional posters also play a role to inform people of the upcoming concerts or new music releases.

Next will be the interactive model. Fans are able to communicate with the celebrities they support by visiting their blogs (if they have one) or by simply supporting them. By posting comments (feedback) at their blogs, fans are free to give their opinions and pass their message to their idols. By buying their albums and concert tickets is another interactive model between fans and celebs. If many are willing to spend money to show their support, singers in turn get the idea that their music is popular, and yet another form of an interactive model.

Then, the transactional model is seen in the concerts held in various locations. Being at the same place (same psysical state), fans and celebrities are able to communicate simultaneously even when on stage. It is therefore important to have a good surrounding sound system in order to minimize unwanted noise as a good environment is essential to avoid miscommunication.

Lastly, celebrities use several ways of persuasion to attract their audience too. They often use the appeal to emotions (pathos) and their credibility (ethos). Pathos can be seen in the songs they publish, whether a lively rock song or a sad one. Whereas ethos refers to their character or personality and influence they bring to the society, very often their lifestyles and reputation. Thus, the principles of communication can be used in a way that most of us have never expected.